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May 15, 2008

No "Survivor," so here's some blogging

I had good intentions of blogging last night, but then Firefox went and ate a long blog post, and I got mad and quit. I guess I'll have to switch back to Internet Explorer.

Bwahahahahaha. "Switch back to Internet Explorer." I kill me.

Anyway,, here's some more from the Sept. '52 BH&G. Happy almost end of the week.

Alright folks, just make yourself at home

Lil_abner

Have a snow cone and enjoy the show. A million bonus cool points for anybody who catches the Webb Wilder reference. I loves me some Webb, and I loved him even before he thanked me in the liner notes to his DVD. (He really did.)

Now, on to the ad. I've always had a soft spot for Li'L Abner. (Pogo rocked, too.) And you have to figure that "The Beverly Hillbillies" braintrust--did I really just type that?--drew on the strip for their inspiration for Jethro and Daisy Mae.

Shut down all the garbage smashers on the kitchen level!

Jackstraw

I'm not a "Star Wars" geek, but that was the first thing that come to mind when I saw that stretchy-armed lady.

I want one of those wire-framed pineapples. But what kind of a name is "Nairn"?

Industrial, but homey

Kitchen_1

The yellow parts of this kitchen scream "INSTITUTION" to me, but then it's tempered by the pink and blue and watermelon slices. I like it.

On a related note, somewhere in Mississippi, there was (and I hope there still is) a county bus shop that was an art deco wonder painted this color of yellow. Don't ask me where it was, because I was on a trip through the whole state when I saw it about 12 years ago. But if anybody knows where it is, lemme know.

A TV-ready breakfast nook

Kitchen_2_2

You know how television families always eat dinner in a semi-circle, so nobody has to be shot from behind? This little nook would be perfect for shooting a sitcom couple. They always face the same way, and they have to sit on the same side, so you've got your good camera angle, your lovey-dovey TV couple, and your most excellently photogenic kitchen. Just add wacky neighbor for sitcommy goodness.

Cute, cute, cute. Now, about those colors

Kohler
I'm sure my daddy hormones are kicking in, but I do think this is really heartwarming. No snark implied in that. I can see a daddy looking in on his cute little girl, wondering if she's ready yet. (And knowing that this situation isn't going to improve with age.)

But those colors are pretty wretched. Pink and green and yellow and red and now my retina is tired.

"Okay, people, give me horror, blankness and stupidity"

Koroseal

"Suzie, I don't want you to just cry over spilt milk, I want you to bemoan spilt milk. Lament spilt milk. You've spilt your milk, and you've also seen a giant lizard that's been mutated by atomic bomb tasting.

Tad, you just focus on nothing. You're not looking at the pingpong ball, you're relying on the universe to guide your paddle to the ball. Be the ball, see the ball, feel the ball.

Chuck, you're the neighborhood dork. You're dumber than that fish on the wall. You're flummoxed by Tad's ability to hit the ball, but you're not interested enough to show interest.

Okay, people, show me what you're made of! Let's make ad photo history!"

Great. Now I'm craving a non-existent salad dressing

Kraft_dressing
I don't even like French dressing, but now I'm wanting to taste all three flavors of this dressing. And isn't that quite the spiffalicious label on the Casino French dressing?

They're not waffle fries

Lattice_potatoes_aka_waffle_fries
They're "lattice potatoes." Seriously, that's what they call them.

Of course, that's not important. What is important is the honkin' big sheets of awesomeness dripping off this picture. I wonder if I can register for that bamboo-handled silverware on the baby registry?

Yeah, it looks good on the surface

Francoamerican_1

What kid doesn't like a steaming-hot bowl of spaghetti and meatballs? You're the greatest mom ever, Mom!

Wait a minute. What kind of meat is this?

Francoamerican_2
Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and get started on being an anorexic.

May 12, 2008

I'll be honest

This time, I'm not multitasking. I would be multitasking, but I'm worn out from putting together this baby exerciser thing that had, and I'm not making this up, instructions like "Label," "High side," "Solid color inside" and "SNAP!" The thing was made by Graco, which is a division of Newell Rubbermaid. According to their website, Newell Rubbermaid has annual sales of more than $6 billion. A $6 billion company, and the best they can come up with is "SNAP!"

Ennyway, here's some more from that Sept. 1952 BH&G. Happy Monday.

M. C. Escher swears by it

Goodyear_flooring

(Sorry for the cropping. The ad was just too big to fit on the scanner.)

I could seriously waste many an hour staring into that floor pattern. It's not pretty, but I can't tear my eyes off it.

Laura Petrie swears by them

Flexalum
"Flexalum" sounds like a new kind of pickling aid.

And I ain't buying that "The dust stays off" line, no matter how flexible your alum is.

It's a county fair of fiber!

Ferris_wheel_o_vegetables
Hurry, hurry, hurry! Step right up and buy a ticket for the Ferris Wheel of Vegetables! Thrill to the sight of vegetables rising eight inches from the tabletop, then cycle back down safely, ready to provide a healthy dinner for children of all ages!

After the Ferris Wheel of Vegetables, be sure to visit the Rutabaga Tilt-A-Whirl!

This furniture is the only kind of chair in my version of Heaven

Emerald_dinette
Of course, in Heaven, the chairs don't stick to your thighs when you sit down in shorts. Don't ask how. It's Heaven.

My mother used to have a yellow table and chairs like this. Once I complete my time machine, I'm gonna go back to the day we got rid of them and point out what a foolish step that would be.

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