Retrosnark

Revving back up

I'm still not back to full speed on blogging, and considering we're in the middle of the year-end bacchanalia known as bowl season--what is it about bowl games that make a tilt between UConn and Wake Forest must-see viewing?--I might not be full speed until next week. But I did discover this cool website the other night. Shoot, you know a site is going to be good when it's named Plaid Stallions. Cool 70s cheese.

And a Do What Now? howdy to the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler visitors. Make yourself at home. I'll leave the snark on for you.

No more calls please. We have some winners!

It's been more anticipated than a Fed interest rate cut or a Hannah Montana concert. (Speaking of the Hannah Montana frenzy: What's up with that?) I have personally been contacted by Warren Buffett and Steve Jobs, who implored me to end the suspense of the first annual Do What Now? Christmas Retrofest Giveaway and name some winners. Seems like no one is getting any work done, so distraught are they over the thought of not winning. So, in the interest of the national economy, here are the winners.

Results of the voting were tabulated by the renowned accounting firm of CPAs R Us, and were then kept in a hermetically sealed mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnalls' front porch (still love that bit) until early this morning.

In all seriousness, I really did write down all the names on little pieces of paper, put them in a metal bowl, close my eyes, and pull out winners one at a time. Also, since I threw in a copy of Lileks' book, I upped the number of winners from three to four, making the Lileks winner the mucho grande Yuleriffic winner.

For the fourth-place prize of a 45 of the 1974 Paper Lace hit "The Night Chicago Died," the winner is Ruth!

The third-place prize of a 45 of the 1976 Bay City Rollers hit "Saturday Night" goes to Jenn Doucette!

The second-place prize, which was formerly the first-place prize, of an LP of the Pablo Cruise album "Worlds Away" and an 8-track of the Dolly Parton album "Here You Come Again" goes to Sue!

And finally, the mucho grande Yuleriffic grand prize of a copy of James Lileks' new book Gastroanomalies goes to Vickie!

Winners, if you'll drop me an email with your shipping address, I'll get those prizes out to you.

To everybody who's visited, posted, referred my site to anybody, or had any other contact of any kind, thanks, thanks, thanks a million. Seriously, the fact that my leetle hobby has interested anybody but me just blows me away. I'm honored. Keep coming back, and I'll leave the snark on for you.

Also, thanks to your generosity, I'll be donating $50 to Hand-in-Paw in the name of Do What Now? readers. Thanks so much for your help.

As I posted earlier, I'm taking a short blogcation over the holidays, but I plan on being back by Dec. 29. I hope everybody has a wonderful Christmas. Hug your loved ones, pet your pets, help somebody, and relax.

It's not too late!

And you've got to be in it to win it. "It," of course, being the first annual Do What Now? Christmas Retrofest Giveaway. If you haven't entered, either drop me an email or just post something in the comment box and I'll put your name in the cyberhat. I'll take entries up until tomorrow (Friday) at midnight U.S. central time . Then I'll post the winners Saturday.

Also, once I post the winners, I'm going to start a one-week blogcation. Christmas is almost here, bowl games have started, and I need to decompress a little. Plus, I'm about to begin a book project. It's not related to the blog, but maybe it could end up leading to a blog book. Maybe. Bigggggg maybe. So I'm taking a few days to start on the book. Blogging should resume about Dec. 29.

Good luck!

And the dreck just keeps on coming

Couldn't post last night, thanks to the mother of all traffic jams on the way home. But here's some midweek goodness for your snarking pleasure, again from the '61 BH&G Christmas book.

Don't forget the first annual Do What Now? Christmas Retrofest Giveaway. LPs, eight-tracks, and a copy of James Lileks' Gastroanomalies will be given away. Also, I'm still taking donations to Hand-In-Paw.

We never used that ping-pong set, anyway

Oh, hush up, Earl. When I bought you that ping-pong set two years ago, you promised you'd use it to stay in shape. How's that working out for you? You could go as Victor Buono to a Halloween party. This way, we'll get some use for that case of ping-pong balls you bought at Costco.

Cookware and mummified Jesus

On the left, an oversized kitchen trivet. On the right, the creepiest mummified baby Jesus ever. I thought "swaddling clothes" were supposed to swaddle, prepare for elaborate burial procedures.

Have yourself a very Hindu Christmas

Come. On. PEOPLE! It's a Christmas book, not a...um...not a Hindu holiday book. (Assuming Hindus have holidays, and I'm not saying they do or don't, or that it's good or bad that they do or don't. Peace on Earth, etc.) And I'm sure that this picture was actually taken in July. They just fired up the place to make it look the teensiest bit holiday-ish.

When paper cuts just aren't painful enough

Yes, I'm so very sure that steel wool sculpting is fun. It's always fun working with a medium tough enough to rasp baked-on food off cast iron. Looks all homey and comforting hanging on the wall, too.

Use sprayed sea detritus or yard findings as decoration

Nothing like repurposing yard findings or your old souvenirs from Myrtle Beach to make you feel all Martha Stewart-y. Or maybe Jacques Cousteau-y. Glop them all together, spray with any old color--except red or green!--and you're all set for a rustic or nautical Christmas.

You don't even have to use paste!

Tired of all that danged festive Christmas paper? All that green and red, seasonal stuff getting you down? Then just drop by your favorite decorator on the way home and snag a few rolls of ugly wallpaper. Garnish with baling twine.