Retrosnark

It's a Saladapaloozafestabrationbilee!

More lunch hour blogging. Ready to consume mass quantities of salads? Of course not. Nobody ever is. But that didn't stop the muckety-mucks at Better Homes and Gardens from producing this, the 1958 Salad Cookbook. I actually got enough fodder from this little jewel that I'm going to split it into installments. Consider this the two-part sitcom episode that 's broadcast during sweeps month.

Come and get it.

Ummmm, cortex

BHG is really stretching the definition of salad with this one. It’s just Jell-O dumped on some lettuce leaves, surrounding fresh exposed brain matter.

 

Meals shouldn't come in tower form

This one is actually pretty appetizing, except for the Slices O’ Can-Shaped I Can’t Believe It’s Not Ambrosia. I just like the looks of it, and the title: Fruit Tower for a Salad Supper.

We knew Myrtle had gone 'round the bend when she cooked up Timmy's bicycle helmet

Fruit-nut cheese mold: I’m pretty sure this one was used by Lileks, possibly in his book. I don’t remember how he described it, although I think Nerf Football Salad would be a good title.

You really think it's got lips and stuff in it? Umhum, yessir

After boiling them, always store your hot dogs in a heavily dented copper milk bucket. It gives them that down-home flavor you just don’t get with non-dented buckets!

And be sure to save the hot dog water. It makes a great starter liquid for sourdough. Or is that silverfish repellent?

Space-age caffeination

Another one that’s more notable for its title and accoutrements than its gackiness. It’s called Humpty Dumpty Salad, although I don’t know why. Not that I’m going to worry about it. Instead, I’m going to focus on that Pyrex frolic of a coffee pot!

Afterwards, I’ll try to round up some of those diamond-shaped cob cozies, that red silverware, and some of those old-fashioned paper cups with the fold-out handle. (Years ago, when I was a wee blogger, I was absolutely floored with the awesomeness of those cups.)

Kill it! Kill it with fire!

Once poisoned by its stinging barbules, helpless cucumber slices are imprisoned in the deadly Lemony Salmon Jellyfish’s body as they await digestion.

Does that vile accretion look familiar? It should. It also made an appearance in the BHG Holiday Cook Book. Yes, it’s our old friend the Lemony Salmon Tower.

All the best decanters have dual finger rings

Every now and then, BHG got one right. I mean, right all the way. Right to the nucleus, out to the cell wall, past the stratosphere, and into the cosmos. The fruit looks good, and the setting is so retro cool I’m gonna stop looking at it before I’m compelled to go on a bowling shirt shopping spree.

Let's mousse it up a notch

In the foreground, pineapple slices fornicate right there in front of Julia Child and everybody. In the center, a Tuna Mousse Square broods malevolently. Really. This is called Patio Plate with Tangy Tuna  Mousse Square. I believe "Tangy," "Tuna," and "Mousse" should never appear in the same sentence galaxy.

Sideshow Blob

Yowzah, yowzah, yowzah! Step right up and try your luck! Sir, you look like a man whose aim is true. Give it a try! Hit the bulls-eye, win yourself a bypass!”

Officially, it’s Rye-Pie Sandwich. Because nothing goes together like pies and sandwiches.